Whatever it is Kylo's looking for in this, Ronan prays that he finds it. There's something worth destroying him for, and if Kylo comes out of this with nothing else, let him at least have what he so desperately needed.

Until then, Ronan has to suffer with his failure. He should have served with more devotion. He should have loved more faithfully. He should have learned by now. And the worst thing about it is that he knows Kylo won't forgive him. This isn't his penance, what's playing out here. He doesn't come out on the other side of this with absolution. If Kylo hates him like this now, Kylo will hate him forever.

Ronan lays his head down, giving up. The sheets are cold with his tears. He's shaking so bad that it's a miracle Kylo doesn't lose hold of him completely. The kiss to his nape feels like a goodbye. Blindly, Ronan reaches back, and his fingers barely manage to brush Kylo's thigh. It's okay. Ronan still loves the worst of him. And while it doesn't make a difference to a man who doesn't believe in forgiveness, Ronan's sorry for failing him.