You don't... get this a lot, do you? Get asked how you're doing or how you're feeling just because someone is concerned about you for you. I'm not asking you to answer that, secrets for free and all. I get it.
[There's a pause, then a slight metallic creaking and the sound of wind in the feed, probably a window being opened. In the pause in Stephen speaking, it almost sounds like there's an ocean nearby.]
Honestly, it's hard to process what I feel about the outcome as it is. Seeing so many, the mind sort of breaks down to make holding the information possible. I mean, I have reactions to seeing them, mostly panic and a sense of urgency. But even though I know conceptually this was one of the better outcomes, there was a handful of ways it could have gone that wouldn't have resulted in total annihilation. We had options, that isn't always the case.
But because there were options, I can't really measure any sense of relief against another, or definitively say I'd have a preference for this outcome over another. And every result had sacrifices. There always is, it's just a question of what they were.
By the time this series of events was playing out, I already knew what I would be doing, what I was going to give up. And I knew what a lot of other people gave up too--different choices had different results. Put simply, it sure doesn't feel great, but it doesn't feel as bad as it could.
And we're still here to feel, aren't we? So for that alone, I'm grateful, just not content or jubilant. It's complicated and contradictory, like so many things are.
no subject
You don't... get this a lot, do you? Get asked how you're doing or how you're feeling just because someone is concerned about you for you. I'm not asking you to answer that, secrets for free and all. I get it.
[There's a pause, then a slight metallic creaking and the sound of wind in the feed, probably a window being opened. In the pause in Stephen speaking, it almost sounds like there's an ocean nearby.]
Honestly, it's hard to process what I feel about the outcome as it is. Seeing so many, the mind sort of breaks down to make holding the information possible. I mean, I have reactions to seeing them, mostly panic and a sense of urgency. But even though I know conceptually this was one of the better outcomes, there was a handful of ways it could have gone that wouldn't have resulted in total annihilation. We had options, that isn't always the case.
But because there were options, I can't really measure any sense of relief against another, or definitively say I'd have a preference for this outcome over another. And every result had sacrifices. There always is, it's just a question of what they were.
By the time this series of events was playing out, I already knew what I would be doing, what I was going to give up. And I knew what a lot of other people gave up too--different choices had different results. Put simply, it sure doesn't feel great, but it doesn't feel as bad as it could.
And we're still here to feel, aren't we? So for that alone, I'm grateful, just not content or jubilant. It's complicated and contradictory, like so many things are.