photophobic | [IC CONTACT]

[ It is only a few words, but it at once makes everything so much clearer to understan and so much more heartbreaking.

To think of Leia, young and vital and full of energy as she is -- to think of her dead is unthinkable. Padme's head bows for a moment under the weight of the knowledge. One hand drops to her lap, clenched into a fist, but the other remains on his shoulder, still gentle. ]

I understand. [ She does, through her own grief. ] I'm so sorry things turned out as they did in your time. [ When she lifts her face again, there are tears in her eyes. ]

I'm so sorry, Kylo. [ Leia. Luke. Anakin. She's sorry for all of them. ]

I wish we had found a way to create a better galaxy, for all of you.

[ Kylo doesn't commonly experience guilt. Regret, yes. But guilt is a different beast entirely. He sees tears in Padmé's eyes and he feels responsible for them.

He rests his hand on hers, cultivating calm as best he is able despite the turmoil churning inside. ]

We are here now. We have this chance now.
We can exist here. We can make it better.

[ She turns her hand up under his, squeezes it gently as she leans her head back on his shoulder. ]

We can, and we will.

As hard as it is to know what comes, Kylo, I do not regret the chance to know my children and to know my grandchild. To have the opportunity to speak to you, and give what comfort I can.

To have the chance to truly know you all, to speak to you and to let you know how much I love you all -- it has been the greatest gift I've ever been given.

[ He doesn't know what to say for a long time. Perhaps it's the lack of Snoke's drip-feed interference, but feels as if rage doesn't come as easily as it once had- and in it's place right now is something he doesn't yet know how to name.

It's like being tired. Very, very tired. ]

You deserve better than this.

[ It's a quiet observation, entirely unremarkable aside from the subtle shift in perspective lying underneath. It isn't often Kylo attempts to look directly at the pain he has caused others- declaring himself irredeemable and believing it to be true is so much simpler. ]

[ Padme sighs out a little, shakes her head, but there's affection in the squeeze of her hand around his, the curl of her arm. There is also, somewhere in the back of her mind, the awareness that this is not a sentiment of a kind she's ever really heard him express before. ]

Deserve is a word that is hard to attribute, I believe.

I have what I need. I have Anakin, and my children, and you. However difficult and complicated that is, it is still what I want.

I will do what I can to make it... easier.

[ He's not exactly done the best job of that so far, but mostly through the consequences of actions he took far away from here, and simple, clumsy ignorance.
In all honesty he hasn't the faintest idea how to make Padmé's life look more like he believes it should, but his intent is genuine. Fiercely so. Though at least for now the exhaustion settling into his bones softens the intensity of his vow into something gentler. ]

Let me take you home. It's cold.

That's kind of you, Kylo.

[ And touching, in a way that warms her heart. And the offer makes her smile, as well, gentle and pleased. ]

I would like that. I don't fear these streets at night, but it is still a comfort to have you with me.

[ And strangely, he knows she's telling the truth. She really does consider his presence comforting, somehow. He can't begin to fathom why- it's not like Hux, whose half-formed fear of being taken by his enemies here vanishes in his presence. No, it's something else.

But he doesn't really know what it is. ]

You're kind, Padmé. I'm--

[ He pauses, trying to force an idea he doesn't even properly understand into words. All he knows is that something rebels inside him when she says he is kind, even though it's something he wants to hear from her. It's frustrating, and it takes him a little too long for the pause to seem intentional, even without the other clues of his furrowed brow and firm-pressed lips.

In the end, it isn't a pause at all because he has nothing to follow it with. He just glances down at his hands before easing up onto his feet and offering her an arm up. ]

[ She takes his arm easily, standing up and leaning into his warmth. ]

You're kind as well. [ That is something she will not let him question of himself, so as kind as her tone is it is also firm. But for the most part she will be content to walk in silence, should be want it. That he seems better for now, even if she knows there is still likely a fair amount of fall out to deal with from all of this -- that is sufficient for the moment.

Her hand is firm against his arm, and she walks closer than is strictly necessary. The comfort does not come from the additional safety she knows his presence provides.

It comes, rather, from having him here and close and trusting her, and from the knowledge that he is open to what help she can give, and that he cares for her happiness and safety. ]

[ He doesn't say anything else for a long while, almost as if trying to decide whether or not he should speak at all. But the truth of it is, he's been... lonely. For a long time. He doesn't really remember being anything else, but he does know he's always hated it.

So when he speaks again, it's an awkward but genuine attempt to connect with her.
Without the filter of their pasts and futures. Just as people. ]

You don't seem to mind the cold. As Anakin does.

[ She considers the question, answers easily. It has been comfortable to walk with him in silence, but it is equally so to speak with him. ]

Anakin grew up on Tatooine -- a desert planet with two suns. He didn't leave it until he was nine. He's never really gotten used to the cold.

My own planet was fairly temperate, but I spent a great deal of time travelling in space from a young age. There's never a way to keep a ship warm in the middle of space, not truly. I'm sure you know.

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