KYLO REN (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
photophobic) wrote2017-11-05 05:40 pm
photophobic) wrote2017-11-05 05:40 pm[IC CONTACT]
You should know where to find me.
But if you leave a message here, I will see it.
But if you leave a message here, I will see it.
photophobic) wrote2017-11-05 05:40 pm
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Of course I do. Ben—
[ Not thinking, just acting on her emotions and what she can sense from him, Leia reaches out for his arm, a hand hopefully finding a place at his forearm. ]
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His heart lurches sickeningly in his chest as he looks down at her, at her hand on his arm, but he doesn't pull away– and before he has any time to react further she says that name. He stills completely, his heart racing.
He knew it was coming, and still... that name is tied to so much hate, so much rage, so much raw, unprocessed hurt. His fingers curl into tight balled fists, the muscles of his forearm shifting under her touch. ]
No. I stopped answering to that name a long time ago. Just as you stopped seeing him when you looked at me. All of you.
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[ Her grip tightened on his arm, a response to the shift she felt beneath her hand. The struggle to hold on and not let him go too far when she knew he wanted to pull away. Leia would plead, until her last breath. Was he all she had left? Luke was gone, though she knew he would never truly be gone from her. Han was gone. Even the rebels were far and few. ]
No matter who you become. No matter how strong or how powerful.
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And in many ways, it's the only thing he has left that makes any sense. He's built himself around it. ]
No matter what I have done?
[ His voice is raw, torn ragged with bitterness. ]
I wish I believed you. But you threw me away before I had done any of it.
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[ It was just mumbo-jumbo that he didn't care to fully understand. Han just knew it was there, it existed in what tricks she or Luke had done from time to time. Thinking about Han now, it was bittersweet that he lived on in this world, as young as she remembered. Their Rebellion days. ]
Luke was a better mentor. He was the only one I could trust who could teach you.
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Do you know?
[ His eyes are sharp. ]
What he did. Your better mentor, who was the only one you could trust. Do you?
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Tell me.
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No. You first. Tell me what you thought happened to your son. Tell me what you believed.
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I believed that Luke had failed. Failed you, failed me. Even he was no match in guiding you through the Force, Light side and Dark. I knew both were in you, I knew from the first moment I felt you within me.
I believed that, because he had failed, that my son was lost to me. My son was hurting, and I didn't know how to help beyond what comfort I already offered him.
What did Luke do? Tell me.
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[ His voice drips with venom, a seething, boiling hatred.
But she's his mother. If anyone could see the mechanism of protection Kylo doesn't even recognise he has built around himself, it would be her.
This rage, this fury- it's a wrenching, desperate pain turned outward. Deflected and transformed into a weapon. ]
The hope of the Galaxy, the son who looked into the heart of Darth Vader and restored him to the Light?
Yes, I will tell you what he did, mother. When you handed me over to him because you were afraid of me. What I might become. I will tell you what his great knowledge of the Force earned me.
He crept into my bedroom. Do you understand? My teacher. My mentor. My uncle. The great Luke Skywalker, the rebirth of the Jedi Order. He crept into my bedroom, while I was sleeping, to put me to death.
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Mouth opening to cut in and cut him off, her response never gets the chance of escape. Why would...Luke sneak into her son's room at night?
Leia's shoulders straighten then. That...doesn't sound like her brother. What Kylo is saying doesn't sound like what Luke would do...
She leans against her cane. It isn't a request: ]
Show me.
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[ He almost snaps it, crushing the shape of his words into something less overtly aggressive at the last moment.
He's not even certain he can do what she wants. His power has always been one that takes, rather than gives. But it isn't like he needs to show her an argument, or a long, drawn out fight. Ben Solo's execution was the matter of a moment. It had been over in an instant.
He'll dredge it up for her, the memory. Let her see it, if she can, if only in outline: the sudden, screaming lurch of awareness as the knowledge that his life was in danger pierced through his unconscious mind. The fear, the wild terror of scrambling awake, the brilliant green light and the hum of a lightsaber. Let her see through his eyes, that moment, twisting his head to see Luke's face, the blade raised to strike. Let her feel the searing agony of betrayal sink into his heart.
His own eyes blaze with fury, impossibly dark, sharp. There's a tremble under his skin, now. ]
Do you see it, now?
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Leia feels that betrayal as her own then. It's not just something she experiences through the flash of the memory engulfing her senses. Her own brother had been prepared to murder her son while he slept. What would drive him to such an act? Was that what he'd meant when he said he couldn't save her son? Had he given up and gone for a quick end?
The realization changes her entire expression. Her cane clips once against cement as she catches herself, the air sucked out of her. But why? is what she wants to ask. Why? ]
I... [ How can she deny what she saw, through him? A tremor leaves her knees trembling, her entire being grasping for balance. Softly then, pained in her admittance, her eyes squeezing shut: ] I see it.
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[ He snarls it, raw and freshly wounded from the memory, seething with fury and pain. There's no room within him for sympathy, in this moment– there's barely even recognition of any suffering outside of his own. ]
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[ Suddenly she's now lashing out in retaliation, eyes snapping open, her own fury quickly building. The cane digs into her palm as she grips it. Her parenting skills may not have been the greatest but she would have never abandoned her own child. ]
I trusted Luke to help you! Your father and I had no knowledge that this is what would've even happened. Why didn't you come to us with this? If we had just known—
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[ The question is clearly rhetorical. He stares, furious. ]
What would you have done? If you had just known. What could you possibly have done. You had nothing before. Why would you have had anything after Luke Skywalker decided there was nothing worth saving in me.
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[ But that was different here. Darth Vader wasn't here, it was Anakin Skywalker. Just a man before becoming a suit of terror. If she'd had the proper chance to know her real father as Anakin, things would've been much different. Not just for herself but for her son. ]
I would've dealt with Luke myself. If my own brother was planning to kill my son, he should have answered to your father and I for it.
[ Kylo and Luke had faced one another already, and Luke had bought them enough time to escape before letting himself become one with the Force, something now Leia is torn on. But— her own brother. And now she'll never know why he'd made the attempt on Ben's life. ]
Whether I had nothing or not, that didn't matter, Kylo. What would have mattered was us knowing and properly holding Luke accountable for his actions.
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[ He shook his head, anger boiling under his skin. ]
I trusted him too, mother. Like I trusted you. I owe you nothing.
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[ He grinds his teeth, frustrated. ]
I told you. That my uncle. The man you told me I would be safest with. Came into my bedroom while I slept. To kill me.
And all you have for me is why didn't you come to us?
[ This is futile. She doesn't understand how that question feels like she's pointing the finger of blame right back at him by telling him what he should have done in response to having his uncle turn on him. ]
I should never have agreed to this. I knew it would gain neither of us anything.
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[ She takes a small step forward. Apologizing to him, expressing, Leia feels she needs to see it through and say it all to him before the illness spreads too far too fast. So he knows. ]
In no way am I blaming you for not coming to us, and if you feel that I am, I'm also sorry for that.
I only have myself to blame for this.
[ For entertaining the idea of Luke guiding her son, for agreeing to it and letting him go. They were all hurting but she knew that her son was hurting all the more. ]
Do you want revenge?
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Against you?
[ He sniffs. Blinks a little too rapidly. Shakes his head. ]
No.
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You would never intentionally hurt me. I know this.
[ She feels it. Just as she'd felt the struggle in him when she'd sensed him approaching her ship. ]
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But he has no hate to draw on, with her, and even his anger fails to stir. The only thing left is grief.
Regret.
He doesn't know how to contain it. Having relied on fury for so long, so much of the rest of him has wasted away. It feels like calling on muscles that have atrophied. ]
I might have, once.
But no. I couldn't.
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Han is gone, they've both lost so much. ]
I wouldn't hold it against you.
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rages third time is a charm
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