Yeah there's saying that and then living up to it. [ For all Poe's talk of there being no sides, he sure as hell kept considering people as being on them. Even now. ]
We have this life but it doesn't erase what happened there. [ He let out a hard breath, and turned his head. ] Just like that life doesn't erase what's happened here.
[ He stepped back onto the carpet, and it raised a few inches. ]
Yeah, that's not how it works. Doesn't matter if you think I owe you, I still do. You and Ronan both. And I'll pay it back.
[Kylo examines Poe's face thoughtfully, turning the puzzle over in his mind. Why, every time they meet like this, is Dameron so determined to turn Kylo's actions into a bargain— even when he knows, as he must do, that he has nothing to offer him? What does he gain from deciding himself obligated...
And he laughs, suddenly. A short, sharp laugh.]
I see it. I see it, finally.
[His lips twist.]
This is how you prove yourself better than me. Isn't it. This is how you continue to believe yourself the hero and me, your villain. You can't accept that I might simply have chosen to save us, and this... this is how you intend to keep me in my place. Empty promises of payment you know you can't fulfil.
Is it so difficult? Knowing yourself at my mercy, and finding it far, far deeper than you could ever have imagined? Than you experienced? Am I not what you thought I was?
[ Poe stared at him for all of four seconds and then rolled his eyes nearly out of his skull. ]
No, it's called having principles. [ He said, before returning his gaze to glare at Kylo, unable to keep his frustration at bay. ]
People deserve to be rewarded for the good things they do, because the universe at large sure as hell isn't going to reward them. For my friends that's easy.
But you and me? We're not friends. We're never going to be friends. And it has nothing to do with heroes in this place and everything to do with the fact that whether you want to consider it or not, I'm still going to remember everything that happened.
But that doesn't change the fact that you did something good. And it doesn't change the fact that you deserve something to acknowledge that. And maybe when you figure out just how important those actions are, you'll figure out that I fucking mean it when I say I owe you.
I don't have to tell my friends because they know. And they know I'll pay it back, always. But if you really want to make this into some kind of pseudo-psychology bullshit, be my guest. It really isn't that complicated.
[ But he was seriously getting frustrated, now, so he let the carpet rise a few more feet. ]
Dameron was the one who invited him here, apparently to inform him he's earned a special treat for being good, and supposedly that's what it means to have principles. If you're Poe Dameron.
Kylo blinks up at him, irritable with mild confusion and the sense he's being patronised.]
You can call it whatever you like. I did something I wanted to, something I knew was necessary, and I made use of the resources at my disposal. Do you think it matters to me whether or not you think I've been good? Am I supposed to be grateful for your approval? Or is it the prize of some vague, unspecified favour from you that's supposed to be enough of a reward to condition my behaviour.
[His chin tips up a fraction further. His eyes narrow. Dameron's likely the delivery of one last parting shot and an irritable curse under his breath away from shooting off into the night on his flying rug, so Kylo gives him this to take with him:]
Why did you ask me here, Dameron? You know you have nothing of value to give me in payment even if I required it of you.
[ He snaps it too fast, something he didn't mean to admit, his power working against him again. He wants to bite through his own arm in frustration but he doesn't. He also doesn't fly away. Because he did feel like he needed to be here, to have this conversation, he just has yet to understand why he felt compelled or what it even was he felt compelled to do. But fine. He's already halfway admitted as much. ]
I don't know why I'm trying, okay? It's not about - just forget the favour, then, forget I said anything and I'll just repay it when I find the chance. You obviously don't get the entire concept and I'm done trying to explain it.
The point was that we needed to talk about it, didn't we? Or were we just supposed to - to do that, to work together, to achieve something, and then to pretend it never happened?
[Kylo frowns. Because Dameron doesn't know why he's here. There's no plan or agenda. There is something, some kind of question he doesn't even recognise tying him in place, keeping their eyes locked— but it's like being expected to understand a foreign language.
Which it is, in many ways. Another person's experiences always are.]
The rest of this miserable planet seems to be content to pretend nothing ever happens. [He complains flatly. It's something to say. And then:] You did something to me. Up there.
Yeah, well, the rest of the planet wasn't there. And I'd rather them think that nothing happened than for them to have witnessed the planet blow up. So we still won.
[ He paused, wondering for a second if Kylo meant that he'd poisoned him or something, so unable to consider that Kylo meant something good that he was scrambling to think of something he'd done that was bad. But after a moment he recalled it. ]
You mean the spark? [ He frowned. ] Yeah, sorry. Usually I prefer to ask, but you looked like you needed it.
It's one of my powers. The newest one. Because everyone else can blow up things and set people on fire, so why bother giving Dameron something useful. [ He hadn't meant to complain about that, either, and he bit his cheek to stop himself. ]
no subject
We have this life but it doesn't erase what happened there. [ He let out a hard breath, and turned his head. ] Just like that life doesn't erase what's happened here.
[ He stepped back onto the carpet, and it raised a few inches. ]
Yeah, that's not how it works. Doesn't matter if you think I owe you, I still do. You and Ronan both. And I'll pay it back.
That's all I wanted to say.
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And he laughs, suddenly. A short, sharp laugh.]
I see it. I see it, finally.
[His lips twist.]
This is how you prove yourself better than me. Isn't it. This is how you continue to believe yourself the hero and me, your villain. You can't accept that I might simply have chosen to save us, and this... this is how you intend to keep me in my place. Empty promises of payment you know you can't fulfil.
Is it so difficult? Knowing yourself at my mercy, and finding it far, far deeper than you could ever have imagined? Than you experienced? Am I not what you thought I was?
no subject
No, it's called having principles. [ He said, before returning his gaze to glare at Kylo, unable to keep his frustration at bay. ]
People deserve to be rewarded for the good things they do, because the universe at large sure as hell isn't going to reward them. For my friends that's easy.
But you and me? We're not friends. We're never going to be friends. And it has nothing to do with heroes in this place and everything to do with the fact that whether you want to consider it or not, I'm still going to remember everything that happened.
But that doesn't change the fact that you did something good. And it doesn't change the fact that you deserve something to acknowledge that. And maybe when you figure out just how important those actions are, you'll figure out that I fucking mean it when I say I owe you.
I don't have to tell my friends because they know. And they know I'll pay it back, always. But if you really want to make this into some kind of pseudo-psychology bullshit, be my guest. It really isn't that complicated.
[ But he was seriously getting frustrated, now, so he let the carpet rise a few more feet. ]
We done?
no subject
Dameron was the one who invited him here, apparently to inform him he's earned a special treat for being good, and supposedly that's what it means to have principles. If you're Poe Dameron.
Kylo blinks up at him, irritable with mild confusion and the sense he's being patronised.]
You can call it whatever you like. I did something I wanted to, something I knew was necessary, and I made use of the resources at my disposal. Do you think it matters to me whether or not you think I've been good? Am I supposed to be grateful for your approval? Or is it the prize of some vague, unspecified favour from you that's supposed to be enough of a reward to condition my behaviour.
[His chin tips up a fraction further. His eyes narrow. Dameron's likely the delivery of one last parting shot and an irritable curse under his breath away from shooting off into the night on his flying rug, so Kylo gives him this to take with him:]
Why did you ask me here, Dameron? You know you have nothing of value to give me in payment even if I required it of you.
no subject
[ He snaps it too fast, something he didn't mean to admit, his power working against him again. He wants to bite through his own arm in frustration but he doesn't. He also doesn't fly away. Because he did feel like he needed to be here, to have this conversation, he just has yet to understand why he felt compelled or what it even was he felt compelled to do. But fine. He's already halfway admitted as much. ]
I don't know why I'm trying, okay? It's not about - just forget the favour, then, forget I said anything and I'll just repay it when I find the chance. You obviously don't get the entire concept and I'm done trying to explain it.
The point was that we needed to talk about it, didn't we? Or were we just supposed to - to do that, to work together, to achieve something, and then to pretend it never happened?
no subject
Which it is, in many ways. Another person's experiences always are.]
The rest of this miserable planet seems to be content to pretend nothing ever happens. [He complains flatly. It's something to say. And then:] You did something to me. Up there.
no subject
[ He paused, wondering for a second if Kylo meant that he'd poisoned him or something, so unable to consider that Kylo meant something good that he was scrambling to think of something he'd done that was bad. But after a moment he recalled it. ]
You mean the spark? [ He frowned. ] Yeah, sorry. Usually I prefer to ask, but you looked like you needed it.
It's one of my powers. The newest one. Because everyone else can blow up things and set people on fire, so why bother giving Dameron something useful. [ He hadn't meant to complain about that, either, and he bit his cheek to stop himself. ]