[IC CONTACT]

[photophobic]

You should know where to find me.
But if you leave a message here, I will see it.

Comments

[girlybruiser]

[ She notices it, but opts not to prod. Best to leave that be. ]

I wasn't sure what to do at first, but I could never live with myself if I allowed others to suffer in my place. I would never want to be like my father, even if I want to stay here.

[photophobic]

There is always suffering. And some of us, and those precious to us, have had more than their share.

But you didn't contact me to debate the outcome, did you?

[girlybruiser]

What's done is done.
But I do wonder... when there are people important to us, how difficult the choice can be. Or easy?
I'm guessing your decision took into consideration Ronan because of how dear he is to you, yes?

[photophobic]

I made the decision to protect this reality because it is the one where we found each other. Yes.

[girlybruiser]

How did you know with Ronan? Your feelings, I mean.

[photophobic]

My feelings with Ronan. What do you mean. How did I know how I felt?

[girlybruiser]

Yes! If you're alright with talking about it!
My apologies, this is such an intrusive question.

[photophobic]

[Considering the intimacy of some of their previous conversations, and everything Haru already knows of him and the intensity of his connection to Ronan? Kylo isn't too concerned about her intruding on his privacy. In an odd way, he feels... pleased. For the opportunity to talk about it.]


It sounds like a question you have a purpose for asking.

But to answer it. I always knew how being around him made me feel. Angry, often. Confused. Exhilarated. I would see he had responded to something I wrote on the Network and be unreasonably elated. It was a kind of power he had over me I couldn't control. I hated it. I hated how I wanted more of it. How much I wanted more.

I didn't think it was possible, that he could ever want to give it to me. It's no secret, is it. As you heard, when the Narrator taunted me. I am not easy to love.

[girlybruiser]

[ It's funny that he describes his initial feelings as anger and confusion. Almost similar to how she felt around Goro when she arrived here. Plenty of confusion, mixed feelings, but she definitely harbored anger toward him for a short while.

Funny, how things change. ]

The Narrator was a fool and cruel.
Maybe I've watched too many movies and read too many shoujo mangas and forgotten how complicated one's feelings for another can turn out. They make it seem so simple in fiction.

[photophobic]

Is it so complex? To want to be wanted?

[girlybruiser]

I think I'm just overthinking things.

[photophobic]

If you're asking me about my feelings in order to better understand your own? Yes. Almost certainly.

You already know what you feel. It isn't what, or even why. The real question you should ask.

What do your feelings tell you to do.

[girlybruiser]

To simply enjoy the time we'll have together.
It's hard not feel a little overwhelmed sometimes by these new feelings. We have a... complex history already.

[ Where murder was involved. ]

[photophobic]

But this person feels the same way. About you.

[girlybruiser]

Yes?
Yes!

[photophobic]

Well, that is fortunate. Considering how I may have to destroy anyone who causes you harm.

[girlybruiser]

That isn't necessary!
He's very kind to me!
It's a complicated history like I've said, but he's a better person now.

[photophobic]

He's a reformed monster, then? This complicated person of yours. Interesting.

[girlybruiser]

I wouldn't call him a "monster".

[ Despite all he's done. ]

I don't think he ever was one, despite the unforgivable things he did. It's not an excuse, but he's suffered quite a lot.

[photophobic]

Is that what it takes, to make the distinction? The ratio of suffering caused to suffering endured?

[Just a... completely unrelated curiosity. yep.]

In any case. I am pleased to hear you have found someone who cares for you.

[girlybruiser]

No, it's just...

[ She's not quite sure how to phrase it. ]

It's strange to think about, but I don't believe I ever took him for a monster. An enemy, someone I couldn't trust? Yes.
Monster never crossed my mind honestly.

[photophobic]

But you trust him now.

[girlybruiser]

I do. It took some time, but I do.