photophobic | [IC CONTACT]

[ This text shouldn't be so awkward and yet it really, really feels it. Midnighter's asleep (or pretending very well, at least) and so here's Apollo, staring uselessly at his phone, typing and deleting and retyping what feels like the stupidest text he's ever written. He doesn't even know why this is weird. He's met Elton John, for Christ's sake! Kylo Ren, imPort poet extraordinaire, should be easier to talk to, right? ]

Hi, this is Apollo. We met at FanPort last month. I bought your book (giftwrapped). Remember me?

[3am finds Kylo Ren sprawled comfortably over a good half of Ronan's back, deep in a sleep suddenly broken by the notification chime of a new message delivered to the phone he absolutely forgot to set to silent before bed.

Kylo stirs, blearily drags his lips against Ronan's shoulderblade in a clumsy, near-instinctual kiss of vague reassurance that he's not going anywhere and rolls onto his back beside him, flinging an arm out towards the device to summon it to his hand. His eyes scrunch up tightly at the sudden intrusion of harsh light from the screen... and after a few blinks to adjust he finds himself reading...

Well, he's not quite sure what he's reading. But it's flattering. Pleasantly so.
Because he definitely does remember Apollo, and his strangely satisfying reaction to the Dark.]

Yes, I remember. Did you enjoy it?

[ Apollo forgets that sleep is actually an important thing for most people, not just the filler that kills time between sex and getting up in the morning. His reply is quick: ]

Yes. Well, I think so. We're still working our way through it.

And if that sounds like I'm unsure it's only because I've never actually read much poetry before. In fact this might be the first poetry book I've ever read.

[Ah, of course. Giftwrapped.
Just who is Apollo sharing his poetry with, Kylo wonders?]

Then I'm flattered.

I hadn't read much myself before arriving here. Nothing so personal as the kind of poetry written by the people of this planet. Old religious texts. Prophecies.

Sounds kinda dry. Nothing like what you write.

Are you religious, then? I didn't get the sense that you are, not in the poems.

Dry, yes. Particularly when a key tenet of the religion is the denial of passion.

But no. I'm not religious. Not in the way the word is used here. I was raised to follow certain traditions and accept philosophies I have since come to reject, but there are no gods, in the culture I belonged to. No higher beings to lose faith in.
Only the Force: the energy that flows between and connects all living things, and each other.

Are you?

Religious? No.

[ It's too early days to confess to killing God, isn't it? 'I met God and he was an asshole' he types instead, before deleting it with a sigh. ]

Not in the traditional sense, at least. I've seen what mass-market religion can do to people and I don't care for it. And there isn't normally a place for people like me when it comes to most religions.

Do you write about the Force in your poems?

About it? No. No more than I write about the existence of gravity. But my awareness of the Force is a part of how I experience reality. My existence is connected to everything else, beyond the boundaries of my physical body. And I feel it. The weight and pull of it, all the time. Just as I possess senses of sight, hearing, touch, taste. Perhaps there is something of that perspective in my work.

There's no place for people like me in the religion I studied for most of my life. But I find it hard to see what might disqualify you from the Light. Assuming Light in some form is the focus of most religions.

That would be too easy, wouldn't it? Getting a free pass in to heaven because of the whole Light-with-a-capital-L thing. No, I'm pretty sure I've been declared officially sinful (tm) by every major religion there is back in my world. Except maybe the Buddhists. They were always pretty okay.

It's not a problem, though. And like I say, I've seen religion do more harm than good. I don't exactly feel like I'm missing out. It sounds like you feel the same, maybe.

Sorry, strange late night conversation topic. I don't normally talk theology at 3am, I promise.

I do.

[All too frequently, really. He enjoys wrestling with Ronan on the subjects of forgiveness, redemption and sin (original or otherwise) almost as much as he enjoys... well. Wrestling with Ronan.]

Do you think you are?
Sinful.

Not Biblically speaking, no. Not in the way they mean it. But I also know I'm not exactly perfect. Nobody is, are they?

I don't exactly worry too much about my mortal soul and things like that. There's no point really. If I did, I'd never get anything done.

That depends on your definition of perfection.

Who gets to decide the model and measure your deviation from it? Perhaps there is no one standard, no universal ideal. Perhaps we are all perfectly suited for the roles we were meant to play.

Maybe that's the catch: we're judged against an impossible standard. See, this is why I don't like religion.

Is that what you believe? That we're all destined to play certain roles? You mentioned prophecies before.

Is it a belief, if you can see it?

I don't know. I think people see things that aren't there just as readily as they ignore things that are. Seeing isn't believing.

Why? Can you see fate? Prophecies?

No. I don't see the future.
I can see the strain. The flow. Balance. The place I occupy in the greater whole we are all part of.

Surely we're not ALL a part of it?

Everyone and everything.

[ Yeah, no thanks! ]

I'm more of the opinion that there's no such thing as predetermined fate.

But you can accept that we are all connected. It isn't a new concept, even on this planet.

[And he'll just... casually link you some John Donne, sorry.]

[ okay that was a pretty read but apollo gets the distinct feeling he's missing a grander point. With a sideways glance at the man beside him, he types: ]

Connection is exactly why I find it so hard to believe in fate, actually.

What do you think about soulmates?

Soulmates plural as in one for every one. Or soulmates as in beings that happen to align perfectly together.

[Kylo has... a lot of thoughts, really, on the concept of soulmates. Most of them are unfinished.]

Do you think that our being interconnected disproves fate?
Or is it simply the idea of an individual being fated to do or be something that you reject.

One soulmate for every person. Someone you're fated to be with, like you're carved out of the same marble. The universe aligns to bring you together, step by step, and you're whole again.

I used to believe in it. Now I'm not so sure. And I guess it made me re-evaluate the whole fate thing as a result. Nowadays I'm pretty damn sure we make our own fates. What we do determines our future, not the other way around.

Language is so imperfect. Isn't it.

"We make our own fates." "What we do determines our future."

What is "we".

I don't know. Me. Everyone. Or maybe just anyone who doesn't believe in predetermined futures. I'm not starting a revolution against the concept of fate, I've just lost faith in it.

Look, you're the one who's good with words, not me.

3am text

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